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About Varied / Artist Member TwimperFemale/United Kingdom Groups :icontwimpers-ninjas: Twimpers-Ninjas
 
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When i was younger i had so very many dreams, dreams of being a singer, a dancer, an actor, a book author, a script writer, an artist,...but as i get older i find myself convicting myself they wont work and somewhat letting go of those dreams. I'll never make it as a singer i don't have the technology/know-how to self produce well and i'm not really sure i even have the voice to make it as a singer, i'll never be an actor I'm not a size zero beauty queen, the only rolls i would get is the undesirable 'fat girl', I'll never be a writer...i get ranted at daily for my bad spelling and grammar. I'll never be an artist, my art has made less than £1 over the time I've been on deviantart. So where dose that leave me?

Well currently I'm working at a grocery store and studying for a degree in animal management, consistently fighting back bouts of depression and looking to work in the animal industry. i totally love animals and i do go into lessions looking forward to learning more and when i was working at the aquarium on placement i was so happy to go into work everyday. but i keep looking back at those dreams and wondering if i stuck with them would anything have happen? i see bands who have got far enough to make a living from there music and feel an insane jealousy and deep sadness. if only i has tried a tiny bit harder, if only i had chosen GCSE music rather than science or art. If only i had a band around me that i could learn from and grow with. If only i hadn't waited so long to learn guitar... if only i had a big on-line following.

The singing / music dream is the one dream that i still cling on to even now, (i do art as a side hobby as we know). I learned to play my guitar that I've had been given at lest six years previously. The moment i found i could just strum some cords and make up a song on the spot was like finding i could breath again after holding my breath for years. My latest bout of depression was by far the worst and there where a few things that got me threw it. One of them was the people around me on the Internet (and i am forever gratefully that even when i was so upset i was incoherent they helped me) the second thing that helped me was music. in the middle of that depression i would feel so lost in all the emotions, it was a like feeling empty and about to burst at the same time. sometimes in those times i would just pick up my guitar, play a song i knew or just strum and make up a song and all i had to be was the music. the only emotion i let myself feel where the ones to do with the song. it sounds so stupid but it helped get me so much. it kept me breathing steadily when i felt like i was drowning.

I should really get to a point here, and i guess i didn't really know the point till i went down this chain of thought but i really want to hold on to the dream of being a singer. even if i never make anything of myself. singing is part of me it's the one thing i've taken pride in and thought 'yes, i can do this' My confidence in my singing has crumpled over time as has my confidence in every aspect of my life. If i let go fully of my others dreams ... well it will be a shame but if i ever threaten not to sing or play guitar again remind me of this journal post and remind me that i've let go of so many other dreams from my past i should really hold on to one of them. even if i think I'm a rubbish singer / musician remind me. <3

well i think that's enough ramblings for now. i have work in the morning and a head full of thoughts to vanquish before i can sleep. good night deviant-art <3
  • Mood: Regretful
  • Listening to: Area 11 - All the lights in the sky
  • Watching: My life just pass me by
It was a lie... by Twimper
It was a lie...
Say hello to anther of my foxes, his name is Kash, and clearly he didn't find the cake in portal...poor kash!
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Your name is Felix? by Twimper
Your name is Felix?
Hope you guys like foxes! cus i have gone into a another fox drawing spree! so far i have four fox characters I'm playing around with. I'll introduce em all in there own time but right here we have Felix on the right and Captain Nugget (as name by my friend paige :D) on the left.
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Big-bellied seahorse by Twimper
Big-bellied seahorse
You might say i have becomes somewhat obsessed with these little creatures over the last year or so. =) it was only a matter of time before i drew one on my uni work folder. ^_^
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The explorer fox by Twimper
The explorer fox
OK I know it's rubbish but I haven't draw with pencils in a VERY LONG TIME and i though it was a cute idea to have a red fox decide to go find his artic fox friends ^_^ 
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~Twimepr

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When i was younger i had so very many dreams, dreams of being a singer, a dancer, an actor, a book author, a script writer, an artist,...but as i get older i find myself convicting myself they wont work and somewhat letting go of those dreams. I'll never make it as a singer i don't have the technology/know-how to self produce well and i'm not really sure i even have the voice to make it as a singer, i'll never be an actor I'm not a size zero beauty queen, the only rolls i would get is the undesirable 'fat girl', I'll never be a writer...i get ranted at daily for my bad spelling and grammar. I'll never be an artist, my art has made less than £1 over the time I've been on deviantart. So where dose that leave me?

Well currently I'm working at a grocery store and studying for a degree in animal management, consistently fighting back bouts of depression and looking to work in the animal industry. i totally love animals and i do go into lessions looking forward to learning more and when i was working at the aquarium on placement i was so happy to go into work everyday. but i keep looking back at those dreams and wondering if i stuck with them would anything have happen? i see bands who have got far enough to make a living from there music and feel an insane jealousy and deep sadness. if only i has tried a tiny bit harder, if only i had chosen GCSE music rather than science or art. If only i had a band around me that i could learn from and grow with. If only i hadn't waited so long to learn guitar... if only i had a big on-line following.

The singing / music dream is the one dream that i still cling on to even now, (i do art as a side hobby as we know). I learned to play my guitar that I've had been given at lest six years previously. The moment i found i could just strum some cords and make up a song on the spot was like finding i could breath again after holding my breath for years. My latest bout of depression was by far the worst and there where a few things that got me threw it. One of them was the people around me on the Internet (and i am forever gratefully that even when i was so upset i was incoherent they helped me) the second thing that helped me was music. in the middle of that depression i would feel so lost in all the emotions, it was a like feeling empty and about to burst at the same time. sometimes in those times i would just pick up my guitar, play a song i knew or just strum and make up a song and all i had to be was the music. the only emotion i let myself feel where the ones to do with the song. it sounds so stupid but it helped get me so much. it kept me breathing steadily when i felt like i was drowning.

I should really get to a point here, and i guess i didn't really know the point till i went down this chain of thought but i really want to hold on to the dream of being a singer. even if i never make anything of myself. singing is part of me it's the one thing i've taken pride in and thought 'yes, i can do this' My confidence in my singing has crumpled over time as has my confidence in every aspect of my life. If i let go fully of my others dreams ... well it will be a shame but if i ever threaten not to sing or play guitar again remind me of this journal post and remind me that i've let go of so many other dreams from my past i should really hold on to one of them. even if i think I'm a rubbish singer / musician remind me. <3

well i think that's enough ramblings for now. i have work in the morning and a head full of thoughts to vanquish before i can sleep. good night deviant-art <3
  • Mood: Regretful
  • Listening to: Area 11 - All the lights in the sky
  • Watching: My life just pass me by

Journal History

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:iconemmi-kat:
Emmi-Kat Featured By Owner May 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Twimper!!!!
Reply
:icontwimper:
Twimper Featured By Owner May 19, 2014   General Artist
Emmi-Kat!!!! ^_^
Reply
:iconemmi-kat:
Emmi-Kat Featured By Owner May 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
How are you?  I've missed you!
Reply
:icontwimper:
Twimper Featured By Owner May 19, 2014   General Artist
*glomps* i've missed you too! <3 and all the fanmily. <3 i'm pretty good thanks =) things are always up and down and all over the place but right now i feel my life is a tiny bit more stable now i have two jobs and don't have to worry about where i'm going to get the money to pay the rent. =)

Thought working two jobs dosn't give me much time for much else. i am trying to start a v-blog / v-diarey thing that i#m fitting in between stuff. =)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icongatoishwary:
GatoIshwary Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday Twimper! :iconcakeplz:
Reply
:icontwimper:
Twimper Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014   General Artist
thanks! <3 
Reply
:iconmanipulate-it:
Manipulate-It Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy birthday, I hope you have a lovely day
Reply
:icontwimper:
Twimper Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014   General Artist
aww thank you! i have ^_^ and i got a new art program (specifically for fantasy art!) as a present! ekkk!
Reply
:iconmanipulate-it:
Manipulate-It Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thats good then :D and that awesome then :D
Reply
:icontwimper:
Twimper Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014   General Artist
aww well i thought it was a program...*blushes* it's a load of resources / templates to help make fantasy art.... not as cool but still ^_^ having some fun with it. 
Reply
(1 Reply)
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